Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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