He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
