He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
