hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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