I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His hands were made for my vagina.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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