Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
