He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
