Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
