Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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