Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
