Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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