just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
