Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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