Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
