Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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