he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
