u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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