dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
