At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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