you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
