So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
