OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
