She's JV to your varsity
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
