An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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