Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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