It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
