I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
