i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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