Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
