If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize