mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
