Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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