chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
