what if every blade of grass was a penis?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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