who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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