Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize