my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
