i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
