just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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