hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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