You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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