shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
