And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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