I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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