Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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