There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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