Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
