Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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