Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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