You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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