Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
