I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
someone owes me an orgasm
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
