Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
