started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
