You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
barbara walters just said penis...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
