I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
