they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
