I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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