Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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