At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
