maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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