Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
