I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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