I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
