She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
