if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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