could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
