I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
