im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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