you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Shame - the story of my life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
