In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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